Setting Standards for Your Life and Work
I have a simple theory for why the Great Resignation happened: people set new standards for their relationship with work.
Better pay. Remote and office flexibility. Improved safety and health. Greater control over their schedule. More respect. A truly inclusive workplace. Less burnout. Better co-workers. Better bosses. The list goes on.
But how did these new standards get set? And why did it happen?
I believe that, because the pandemic created endless time for self-reflection and pondering life’s meaning, more and more people gained greater clarity with their values and purpose. And by doing so, they were in a position to make more thoughtful decisions for themselves, and live with greater integrity.
The Power of Clarity
As part of our work at The Junto Institute, we deliver emotional intelligence (EI) training for managers and leaders in the remote workplace. To help people learn this complex subject in a systematic way, we developed a framework years ago called the Building Blocks of Emotionally Intelligent Leadership.
The four levels and 16 blocks are based on the science of EI, especially the work done by Daniel Goleman. The building block metaphor is a simple way to present his work so people can better understand it and put it into practice.
As you’ll see at the bottom right, one of the building blocks of self-awareness is "clarity," defined by the ability to articulate clear values and a clear purpose. Our values are based on what is important to us and where we find meaning. Our purpose is based on why we believe we’re here, at this time in our lives.
As we gain greater clarity with each of these, we’re able to make decisions more effectively. And what we often realize is that this causes disruption in our lives.
Clarity Can Lead to Disruption
This is exactly what happened to me in 2016.
At the time, I was about eight years into my EI journey and four years into our work at Junto. By that point, I had not only experienced significant change within me, I heard similar stories from many of our members and observed their improved behaviors and language.
What hit me during that period was the idea that human growth was both a purpose and a foundation for my values. The more I reflected on it, the more it explained how I made decisions, how I spent my time, what motivated me, why I tend to look forward and not back, and so on.
In other words, I had been living the idea of growth but with a low level of consciousness. I couldn’t remember specific times where I intentionally thought or articulated the word, “growth,” in explaining myself or how I lived each day. But it was the common thread that weaved together my thinking, language, and behavior.
This realization led to the disruption that changed my life.
After that moment, I updated my life mission statement (a reflection of my purpose) to focus on the simple concept of growth, and included phrases such as:
“help people flourish”
“devoted to a life of learning, improvement, and discovery.”
“continuously improving my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual strength”
I also began setting standards for how I would live this purpose on a daily basis. Examples include the following:
spend more time with people who want to grow, are growing, and can help me grow
stop spending time with people who don't seem to be growing or aren't interested in it
consume food and beverages that can improve my health, well-being, and longevity
combat aging with natural and scientifically-proven methods
The disruption was hard; it probably took me about two years to consistently live the mission and follow my new standards. I’d often revert to my “old self” because it’s what I knew and where I felt comfortable. But as I got better with reading my mission statement on a daily basis (raising my consciousness of the clarity) and facing situations and decisions with it in mind, the disruption began to go away.
This idea of disruption was so present in my mind that three years later I heard my friend, Dan Heuertz, share his experience with finally being able to articulate his purpose. I vividly recall how animated he was in explaining the positive disruption that his clarity created, and how it would help him make decisions. A few years since that moment, it continues to drive his thinking and actions.
What Standards Are
Before getting into the process of how we can set standards for our life and work, it’s important to set a foundation of what standards are in the first place.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a standard is “a level of quality, achievement, etc., that is considered acceptable or desirable; something that is used to make judgments about the quality of other things.”
Breaking this down a little bit:
as a level, it’s easy to know if a standard has been met or not
as acceptable or desirable, it conveys what is satisfactory
and as a judgment of quality, it defines what is “good”
With that in mind, I’ll add an important point that standards are not the same as expectations.
Standards are objective and universal: they apply to all situations, people, circumstances, etc. Expectations, on the other hand, are subjective and personal, often changing based on the situation, person, or circumstance (much more to come on this contrast in later articles).
Another way to view this is that an expectation is in the context of the future; it’s a hope or desired outcome for what has been done or said, usually by others. A standard, on the other hand, is in the context of the present. It exists right now and provides a basis for what we might do or say. And as you'll see by the quote from my friend, Kris Krisco, it also applies to what we might not do or say.
From Purpose and Values to Standards
Let’s get back to the point of this article: that when we have clarity with our purpose and values, we're able to make decisions more effectively and live with greater integrity. So how do our purpose and values lead to standards? Very simply.
We ask ourselves, “What do I need to do or say in order to live this value or my purpose?”
For example, one of my values is “My work is a part of my life.” What this means is that I don’t believe in work-life balance: they’re not separate things but rather one is a part of the other, just like family or sleep or meals are a part of my life. After all, I’ve never said, family-life balance or sleep-life balance or meals-life balance...just like work, each of those is a part of my day, my week, and my life.
So how can this value lead to setting standards? By asking myself what I need to do or say on a daily basis. Here are some examples of the standards I have set to live this value.
I honor the times when I must work: our sessions, meetings, hitting deadlines, etc. Besides those, I work when I want, including evenings and weekends.
I take a break, eat, or nap anytime I feel like it, and don’t feel guilty doing so.
I start my work day when I want and end it when I want.
I don’t count my work hours.
I do not use the phrase, “work-life balance”. If I need to articulate this idea, I use “work-life harmony” or “work-life integration.”
I will stop myself from saying, “I have to work” and instead continue saying, “I get to work.”
Do I follow these standards all the time? Of course not…there are always exceptions. The point here is that if my value is “My work is a part of my life,” I need to know how to live that on a daily basis. And standards like these provide clarity on how to do that.
From Clarity to Integrity
Let’s go back to the Building Blocks of Emotionally Intelligent Leadership.
As you can see, the last block of self-management (the second level) is “integrity.” It’s intentionally stacked on top of the "clarity" block because integrity is defined simply as adhering to one's values and purpose...living them on a daily basis.
We often hear that integrity is “doing the right thing” or “practicing what you preach.” But what is right for me is different from what is right for you. And obviously, each of us preaches different things so we must practice different things.
The beauty of defining integrity this way is that it is specific to each of us as a human being and not what is dictated by or common to families, communities, societies, or cultures. It honors our individuality and prevents us from comparing ourselves to others. And it gives us the foundation to make daily decisions with less trouble.
In my experience, when I live out my purpose and values, I don’t feel bad or guilty. My conscience is clear. I sleep well at night. All of this is because I’m being true to myself.
In the context of the building blocks, setting standards based on my values - and then following them - allows me to show up and live with integrity. Very simply, standards are what connect those two building blocks with one another.
The Most Important Ingredient
Remember my theory about the Great Resignation, that people had endless hours for self-reflection and pondering the meaning of life?
I believe the time they invested in thinking through their values and purpose gave them clarity. That clarity led to them setting standards for how differently they wanted to live their lives, and the role that work played in those lives. They thought about the pay they wanted, the co-workers and bosses they could work with, the company culture they wanted to be a part of, the benefits they desired, and so on.
And because they set those standards, they were in a far better position to make an effective decision for themselves, live with greater integrity, and hopefully begin to live a more satisfying life.
But it all started with time, the most important ingredient for this to occur.