Reframing Work-Life Balance
Because it's how balance can actually happen.
What does “work-life balance” really mean?
Since I first heard the term in the late 1990s, I’ve struggled to understand it. Isn’t work just one part of our life, like friends, family, hobbies, solitude, sleep, eating, and exercise? I’ve never heard someone say “family-life balance” or “exercise-life balance” or “sleep-life balance” (although most of us do wish we slept more).
I understand that, for many people, work is how they spend the bulk of their waking hours, and that there’s a constant struggle to devote adequate time to all those other parts of their life. I also understand that many people would rather not work if they had a choice and/or are doing it to financially support themselves and their family.
I know there are many people who are in a career/job that is highly demanding of their time, mental energy, and physical capacity. And, of course, there are those who must work weeknights and/or weekends because of family dynamics, personal needs, or career choice. Therefore, I understand why so many people use the word “balance” in the context of work and the rest of their life.
Even still, I wonder why “balance” emerged as the word of choice.
Personally, I’ve preferred the words “integration” or “harmony” since I consider work to be a part of our lives, even when it’s the biggest. But even then, I’ve struggled viscerally with the context of work’s place in my life.
THE EXPECTATIONS OF BALANCE
Interestingly, I believe part of the challenge people have with work-life balance is that they have expectations of others and of themselves. And if you’ve read any of my articles on expectations, then you know that I consider them to be unhealthy, dangerous, and cancerous.
In my experience, most expectations go unmet and, as a result, they provoke negative emotions like frustration, disappointment, aggravation, sadness, dismay, etc. And like most people, I don’t want to live with negative emotions. Very few people with whom I’ve shared this have disagreed, especially when it comes to expectations they have of others in their life. And that’s because our desire to see our expectations come to fruition are often outside of our control.
Well, I believe that work-life “balance” falls into that realm.
One of the reasons I’ve heard people complain about their lack of work-life balance is that their manager, team, or co-workers have an expectation of them to work certain hours, complete tasks by a certain time, etc. while they have an expectation of working different hours, prioritizing their own tasks, etc. Another reason I’ve heard is that some people have an expectation of themselves to be a “good” parent, partner, or friend and find that other life obligations (not always work) get in the way.
Ultimately, all these expectations stimulate negative emotions because they often go unmet. And fundamentally, that’s one of the reasons I believe “work-life balance” is an unhealthy term to use: it rarely, if ever, comes to fruition.
PROCESS VS. OUTCOME
There’s another way to look at this.
Many years ago, one of my good friends asked me if I’m a process-driven person or an outcome-driven person. Since I had never heard that comparison or personality trait before, I had to think about his question for a little bit. Soon after, I responded: I’m all about the process. For me, life and daily living is about the journey, the experience, the means, the steps, the path. This is in contrast to the outcome…the goal, the destination, the finish line, the objective, the end.
So when it comes to work in the context of life, the reason I struggle with words like balance, integration, and harmony is that they are all outcomes to me. And I believe the reason many people struggle with achieving those outcomes is that they haven’t found a process for doing so.
A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
As a result, I propose to reframe work-life balance as work-life standards.
The beauty of this phrase is that it refers to process, and steps we can take to achieve the outcome of balance. The beauty of this phrase is that we take responsibility for not only setting those standards but also meeting them; they are in our control. The beauty of this phrase is that there are no expectations from others or of others.
What are examples of work-life standards? Here are several of mine:
I don’t think about how many hours I work. I only think about what work I have to get done.
Most days, I try to be done working by 2pm, at the latest 4pm, especially from spring through fall.
On my calendar, my top priority (and only “must-do” item) is coaching and training sessions, ie: client delivery. The second priority is anything related to business development. Everything else is third priority (unless there is urgency like deadlines, taxes, etc.).
Because so many people have access to my calendar, I frequently block out mornings so I have control of that time for creative and fulfilling work, exercise, and writing. I typically don’t hold meetings during these hours.
I work on weekend mornings when I want and/or when I’m kept inside by poor weather.
When friends or family visit the area during the week, I take off as much time as I can to be with them; the only thing on my calendar I will not, or cannot, change are those client delivery sessions.
Because I want to become a better skier and don’t want to combat weekend crowds, I take Wednesdays off in the winter so I can hit the slopes. I do almost no work on those days, except an occasional call or emails in between skiing runs.
When I meet these standards, which is virtually every week, my work-life balance/integration/harmony happens. It’s automatic. I never fret, complain, or worry about how my time is being spent. Because I focus on the process, the outcome materializes.
CONTROLLING THE TIME
What I find interesting is that most people have standards for other parts of their life - family, friends, solitude, exercise, eating, etc.
We spend a specific amount of time with specific people in our life we consider important. We go on vacation each year, go away on special weekends, play certain games when we’re together, go to a ballgame on certain days, enjoy celebratory meals together. We call out-of-town friends and family on the same days or the same times.
Many of us have morning routines on weekdays and/or weekends. We drink a certain type of coffee or tea, and brew it the same way. We read the news or our latest book of choice. We shower and get dressed before or after breakfast, or maybe never shower in the morning. We journal, meditate, take a walk or do yoga.
Speaking of yoga, many of us have standards for exercise. We go to the gym on certain days or at certain times. We bicycle or run similar routes and distances. We play tennis or pickleball or golf with the same people at the same place.
When it comes to diet, we have preferred foods, restaurants, and recipes. Some of us eat three meals a day at specific times. Others eat certain meals with the same people.
You get the idea: virtually all of us have routines, habits, schedules, and requirements for the other areas that make up our life. They’re all standards. So why don’t we have as many for the one thing that makes up most of our waking hours, work?
Ah, yes, it’s because most of us are in control of our time outside of work but we’re not in control of our time during work, often because we work for someone else (full disclosure about all those standards I listed above for my work: I own my business and do have full control of my time).
People put meetings on our calendar, the company has a policy for putting in a certain number of hours or a target for billable hours, our team has set specific goals that each of us must help achieve, our boss tells us what work we should prioritize first, and so on. Sometimes those dynamics require us to start work earlier than normal, end later than normal, and in rare cases, require us to work on weekends. All of which disrupts that balance we so desperately want.
WHERE TO BEGIN
So if you like the idea of reframing work-life balance to work-life standards, where do you start? How can you focus more on the steps and process rather than the result and outcome?
Here are some ideas:
adjusting work hours to align with how you work (when you like to do creative, analytical, operational, interaction-based work, etc.)
adjusting work hours to other life priorities you may have (child/elder care, exercise, eating healthy, etc.)
starting the day with a healthy breakfast and/or exercise, both of which are proven to help our ability to perform cognitive tasks, which is what “work” is all about
carving out time during the workday for walks, snacks, naps, family/friend conversations, and other similar activities that restore and rejuvenate our brains so we can be more productive
intentionally interacting with co-workers who give us energy and avoiding those who drain our energy
closing Slack and other messaging platforms during certain hours, and telling people we’re doing so, to avoid distractions (how much of those communications actually contribute to our work getting done?)
blocking out time on our calendar in advance to do our deepest work or create space for the most time-sensitive tasks
Sure, most of these are obvious and perhaps you have already tried implementing some. But how many have you set as actual standards for your working hours that you follow week after week? How far have you gone to exercise the greatest control of your time during the workday so that you can have more time outside your workday?
One last example to make the point of reframing work-life balance.
Regardless of which side you’re on when it comes to remote work, I believe that it’s never going to go away simply because too many people (including me) have set it as a work-life standard to help achieve work-life balance. And because many of us are enjoying that outcome, we have no interest in going back to the office on a full-time basis since we lose control of our time during the workday.